last internal test but another 4 external to go...

today is the worst day of the training. my third attempt on this paper and i almost broke down on the spot. i was not confident of getting 75%. however, i made it in the end. feel like calling him but don't know what he is doing. he told me to msg him instead of calling him to see whether he is available. donno.. sounds rather distanced. feels like we have nothing much to talk. i can see him online but our conversation just ended unknowingly.

the frequently asked question will be,' what is wrong?' the other party's answer will be, nothing is wrong. this month is a challenging and tormenting one for me, i have to handle all the tests when i feel distracted at times and mentally tired. i believe things will turn for the better but why? i feel like a 'spare tyre' which punctured and needs to be replaced. is it wrong to have faith and trust in a person? i donno the ans myself, cos it doesn't pay most of the time.

keep telling myself not to read too much into it. his distinctive character and sensitivity attracted me but i do not sense them in him anymore. was his 'if ever a guy date u ...' trying to imply something? haizz... i should not have interrupted him.

i believe his feelings are/were true. im not 'blinded', just cos' I trust him. I can only comment that there won't be any answers to all these questions....