how i spend my last day of bumming...

early in the morn, one of my clients called me asked me to wake up for tim sum. we went Hua Ting at Orchard Hotel. The tim sum are nice and different from other tim sum places. siew mai and the custard bun are nice. supposed to meet another client but he is busy today. shall meet next week. he is nice and wished me all the best for tomorrow.

i have mixed feelings now. feels excited about tomorrow yet worried. my ex col called me today and reminded me of the scary training she has gone through. hope it will be fine. can't help to have the anxiety feeling. wanted to find someone to chat.. but seemed tough...

was reading the love story between MM Lee and his wife. can't help to feel sad but their love is worth my respect. even though, she was bedridden for the last 2 years, he has been by her side at the end of everyday to read her daily news, poems and chat. he is indeed a devoted guy and as for his wife, she can be for greater things but she chose to be behind his man for the past 60 over years. supporting him by taking care of her family, business and giving advice when needed. she is like his consultant. a true confidante, partner and wife. envious of many.

all these years, i have been hoping to find the someone who can just be by my side, listen to me when i needed a listener, share my joy and laughters and cheer me up when i feel down. cook for him when we do not feel like eating out. see him smile when having my food. whenever i feel someone is the one, somehow unexpected things will happen. why is fate always making fun of me?

i remembered the first experience i have had was quite a no. of years back. we started as friends then couple, split and met up years later, split again. it was a painful experience for the first time. do you have a feeling as though you were walking on a rainbow with someone? yah, it was the feeling then. everything seems in place and i felt really loved.

the second, we met through a mutual friend and felt we can click somehow. he is a sweet guy. i remembered he packed lunch for me when i do not have time to go out for lunch at work. he is very good at expressing himself in words. the things he wrote can really make my day when i hated going work. everyday, i will look forward to knock off and meet up with him. things were complicated then as he was still settling stuff. i have trust in him that things will be settled soon. :) he had a change in career, things were fine initially but drifted apart eventually as i did not join him out when he is back.

the recent, i met him while working in my last organisation. he has a nice voice and was very helpful. when things were not working out at work, he will cheer me up with gifts and flowers. i think he gave me at least 15 bouquets already. he is really a lovable guy. always have the koala smile and i really love to see him smile. he is huggable but i guess not now as he slimmed down quite a lot. things have been blissful till recent. somehow, he has things that he has kept in his heart all these while and did not share with me. yes, i maybe insensitive at times but communication is vital in a relationship as well. this is really a hard fall following the previous two.

i thought i have reached the 'terminal station' of relationships but seemed like i have alighted at the 'bus stop' instead. i am really tired and upset. i feel as though i have fallen into a well and looking out at the sky seemed dark and gloomy...