toking to inner self

have been rather depressed(again) these daes.. do not know why. i really hope to believe in love again but the reality is harsh. he has disappeared like them. im used to it. have been missing jayven lately especially when leon lai's songs come into my mind. mixed feelings. will he miss me? i do not think he wil, same goes for the other. when i listen to songs he sang and sent to me, really kills my brain cells. should i hate him or should i ever think or remember such a person in my life? he left me for the second time, i trusted him again. he told his friends how relieved he was after im out of his life. do you know how hurtful it was when i heard that? nevertheless, i thank god for letting me to know them, realised what is love. kept wondering how should i react should i meet jayven again. perhaps, will be the cheerful me, the way he liked me to be, a princess who is always smiling at him. the latter; i do not think we will ever meet again. for the whole of 5 years, we have never met once in singapore. haha.

yah, the latter is right. im a negative person. but not at work nor studies, its me. insecurities in life n love is what im feeling right now. im glad that i have friends with me to go out and forget the past for that moment at least. i dreamt of one of my ex who has always been by my side recently. despite of his hectic schedule, he still cares for me whether i have eaten or drop by to see how i am. i really like his cute face. the expression i have never seen ever when we were together. i do not know why but only realised recently. haha. alrite. tats abt it. sounds boring huh. but at work, im still the cheery one. the noisy one though i have 'toned down' already. haha. i guess its a type of morale that i should set an example for my staff to see. im not a person with split personality for sure. i would say im too kind. really hope i am not at times. haha. got to rest. ZzzzZZ