disappointed~

today, I happened to see a link on one of my frd's msn log in nick, which can check who blocked/deleted(basically, do not have you on their list) http://www.msncheck.41m.com/ great. I can see a list that who do not have my contact on their lists, which shocked me that I was not in his list at all. He wants to be so ruthless to the extent of ending our friendship, so be it. no wonder, I have not been seeing him online. now I know why.

my dear friends, hope you guys will feel happy for me that I will regain my freedom soon. haha. it is a risk or may it be foolish of me to do so during my course of studies, but I cannot carry on like this, feeling depressed and affecting my studies. It is indirectly affecting my mood. yah, I used to be an easy going and happy-go-lucky gal but this job has subconsiciously changed me and feeling upset all the time. a job maybe just a job but to most but I want to be able to enjoy it and giving my best shot. I know all jobs more or less have their ups and downs but I think I need a break before heading for another. This year, as mentioned earlier on, is my worst year. One after another matter crops up, im tired...

going to rain soon, really liked the weather, felt so heartwarming when you are at home and its raining. opps, sorry to those who need to go home. :P

received my first birthday present... :)

guess what ive received?? hmm... a watch from Titus!!! hehe.. was thinking of getting one from this coming pay. anyway, thanks angelin! LOVE U!!!! haha.. she is my close frd(she has gt a bf alrdy, mind u don't think otherwise.)

i have not been sleeping well these days. dreaming of hilarious dreams like; im accused of snatching someone else's bf, met up with him again(which I do not know how I will react when I see him face to face again..).

Was at PS waiting for my frd, staring at the spot where we parted which I never expected to be the parting moment. I have braced up myself, was thinking he will never step into my life again, perhaps, we were still young during courtship, memories are still in my mind. one after another, scenes playing in my mind. he will never change, just conclude things without resolving problems and solution out - MIA. angela's wedding is coming soon, he will be invited. perhaps, my feelings will be different then. i hope..

coca cola light

today, class 95 was having a 'live' audtion of don't know girls for what programme and a cross over promotion with coca cola light. perhaps, i have this stereotyped thinking that coke should be at least sweet when i drank the free coke light, i felt weird. it tasted like soda to me with lots of gas. not my cup of tea. they had games then, was quite entertaining for me during my break when i was thinking to read newspapers only. haha.

watched harry potter after wk, felt it was rather boring compared to the last 2. either im too tired to figure out what's going on or it is indeed boring. haha. gt to ZzzZZ.. tired! was almost late these days when i was supposed to be in morning shift. haha

missed my poly days...

my new tp library.. very nice huh?




a shot taken from my poly during research for my assignment

kinda miss my poly days, looking back, felt that those days are happier and carefree. especially mine is a project based coz, deadlines are always in my mind, lecturers are all very laid back and casual towards us. we are trained to speak up for our design etc. when it comes to reality, all of us know that our projects have to be marketable and commercialised, thus, our creativity are being compromised. UNLESS you are a famous designer who has won numerous awards and worked in famous firms, people will look at your work differently. this is how the design industry works or perhaps most of the companies work.

finished my exam at last

i didnt have enough time to finish my 5th question and i lost 20 marks. i have used too much time on the first 6 ads' critics and in the end, i realised the 5th question was one of the easier questions. wat to do. bad time management. my cozmate can even leave the exam hall after 2 hrs when it was a 3 hr paper. she was the first one to leave. winner man. haha.

why is it happening again? everytime i am determined to take my leave from my job, there is bound to be factors affecting me. nw, is my mum. i have told her about the depression im facing everytime i go work and she supported me to leave my job temporary. bt she has been nagging me these days. so is she supporting me or nt? all 'cause i have a degree course to support. yah, i am useless. i can't even get a job easily like others. i went for an interview with great regional exposure and it is my dream job!! but i did not get it, cause i was too nervous about the sudden 'test', they gave me. oh god, how fair are they when i am on my retail job for 3 years without any marketing experience of doing a sudden sales 'pitch'. god, please come to my aid. i feel terrible. i have been applying for jobs these months yet I can't even get an interview. that interview which i managed to have was arranged by my friend's bf. i can't work for long, i know my back and legs are giving me problems already for standing still for long hours. but i want a job on the run, i believe this will make my blood circulate better. though the remuneration is good but i do not feel good when a time bomb is trying to get close to me and i do not even know when it will go off.

weird. two of my exs became so concerned about me. i do not want to read into their minds for i hope, it is not what my instincts tell me. they are nice but sad to say, belonged to the same kind of character. i shall not comment much 'cause i know they will not change. 'dunno' is their frequently used word. for gers who read my blog, u will understand why we do not like this word. that's abt it for my latest update. (sounds like a celebrity. haha) take care guys!

saw him again

ya man. i saw JJ again. imagine i saw him before i went for my leave, i saw him again tonight when i was meeting up with angela @nydc. angela was so excited to see him man. anyway, kinda coincidence man. today, i had Mac's happy meal! came with a small hello kittty. hehe.

had a busy day. very tired, i really need a rest man... really do not know what the guys around me are up to man. my hk ex bf is back again, asking me to go movies, meals etc. thanks to the other, whom helped me to print. congrats to his recent success. i knew he can do it. my legs are aching man... i feel the pain is all the way up to my back and spain. better relax when i can.. gt to rest. tommorrow is another weekend.. ZZzzzzZZ

A devil @work

Tell me what I have done to offend her. She always demand respect from the staff. yah demand and demand, then earn it for others will do so in time to come. I have told myself to forgive her again and again or maybe it is due to my attitude or tone that may sound hostile to her. But why? I have been praying hard that she will not set anymore timebombs for me. She did it again today. I have been dragging myself these days. For those who understand how I felt, thanks I appreciated it.

At the back of mind, is my project deadline and the approaching exams on Fri. On my mind, is to get a job that can fit in nicely for my studies. I feel that I am trying my best to concentrate on my studies as well as do my best for my project especially it's a group work. I am really sorry, min min and adel. They are so far the best buddies I am lucky to have met at my coz. very cooperative and on-ers, crazy but fun.

I have 'lost' myself due to the depression I have been going through these while. I have to put on a smiling face all the while at work and I am always the one who encounters weird customers with the f***ing attitude. lost .. really lost..

JJ came to my store again a few days back before the 933 music awards. So far, he is the one paying for the ladies' purchases he accompanied. I still can't believe he is my ex-boss' son. Looked different somehow but can't tell. haha. yah, he is those 'bouncy' and lively kinda guy. Though, my colleague does not like guys to be like that but I feel it is fine as long as you are yourself even you are a celebrity. Just like Stefanie, she does not put on makeup when she shops with her friends or bf. As for Jay, he is too far at taiwan to know what kind of person he is. I aspire to work in the music industry. It is interesting to know how to package a person rather than a product. It will be much more challenging for sure. But, I do not have the experience and my 3 years of retail experience seemed like has gone down the drain. maybe if I have taken the graphic route, things may turn out different. noone knows.

top 10 things i will not forget in my life

i was on my way back pondering about my past, what are the things that I will never forget in my life.

1) The days spent at my relative's hotel. A place that brought happiness to me with 2 wonderful guys and lost them as well.

2) The first time I met him at maggie's restaurant with malcom's intro. He was in white shirt and pants. Very smart and pretty much alive in my mind even after 6 years.

3) A guy came to my aid when I took a bus in the wrong direction with no money left to head home. Came to find me when I am lost even though he is left with 10 bucks in his pocket and left his friend singing alone.

4) I went back to a relationship with him 5 years again despite being dumped by him without any reason nor chance and it happened again.

5) Never finished watching 'The Incredibles' and I do not want to watch it again. A show which made me feel top of the world and left me in despair.

6) A decision made to ditch a guy for another made me feel regretful years later.

7) Back to the guy whom I have ditched years back, whom has been by my side without asking me what happened when I am down. I leaned on his shoulders and my tears just rolled down when I saw him. Didn't pin too high hopes, I know him just too well.

8) To able to meet a young boss, seemed to be a combination of the 2 guys I have met whom I will never forget.

9) My 'lessons' learnt over at my work place, it may be good or bad but it is still an eye opener for me especially at my age.

10) Once you are blacklisted, you will live in fear everyday at work.

Think I will add more or amend some. Thought of 10 but seemed like so little. haha.