CNY coming...

just another 3 days will be CNY.. how fast time flies.. my CNY is usually packed and lots of programs one after another. this year will be a quiet year. there won't be 2 reunion dinners. only one at my house. done with cleanup of my room.. just moved the new 32 inch flat screen tv into my room... wow!! watching tv on my bed is such an enjoyment.. w/o wearing my specs, that is! haha...

im watching 超级星光大道演唱会.. all the sentimental songs.. god... sometimes, thinking of the memorable times i am having now, on the other side of my mind, i am waiting for it to end. just do not know when..to maintain, yah i am.. you know how it feels when you miss someone yet you can't tell the person? you can just look at the sky and tell him that you miss him..

thought of the worst times last year, the day i reached home and cried bitterly. i will never forget what happened.. weekends were a torture and going work was terrible... seeing his email every morning.. meeting me once a week for dinner and telling me how much he has been thinking to be back together.. RUBBISH! thanks for betraying my trust in you and ending our relationship in such a way which i would never want to see you again.

Anyway, its over and I am glad. thanks to XX and other frds who have allowed me to hang on them to tide over. i just hope there will be someone to tell me, 'i will only bring you joy and laughter. I will never let you shed a single tear.. ' just let me forget the bad times and be with him... weekends are times that i will cook for him and he will have his turn as well. :)

hmm... suddenly thought of XX!!! where is he huh? must be working, i guess... its cold, pls take care ya... :)

hmmm.. dating goes on..

hee... though, i am on my way to recovery from my 'sickness combo'.. today i had the famous malay chicken rice at lucky plaza with him.. haha.. he asked me whether wanted to have soup stuff.. i know he wants to have the chicken rice... so i accompanied him. thereafter, we went out after work. ehhhh... he waited sometime but he seemed fine.. *phewz* maybe he is on a happy mood, that's why... Was whats apping him earlier in the morn that I needed a BIG HUG! something happened at work which upset me quite a bit.

we watched the movie, shaolin and met our col in the theatre. such a coincidence! we spotted his car at the carpark then i was telling him maybe he is watching the same movie as us..i msg my col asked him whether want to join us for movie. he said cant make it... then we were like HMM.... ok.. too bad when your car plate no. is so easy to remember. haha. thereafter, we went to kway chap at Macpherson. he is sweet.. when i was almost finishing my green tea, he told me to eat my medicine. in fact, i did not have at all for the whole day.. hmm.. plus point!! hee...

despite of all the bitches at work, i just want to say... thanks to god for letting me know you. situation may not be favourable now but still, i can feel u are a sincere and sweet guy. though, you always say things which may not be pleasant to hear, i know it's just you. i can feel you are very tired today and still made time to accompany me, the' '又恨又很爱'. haha.. sometimes, i feel the way you treat me is like the 道明寺 in meteor garden(taiwan version). really made me feel why do i like such a guy who always make my blood pressure rise for the wrong reason... hugging him always made me feel at ease and whatever shit that has happened to me are forgotten... hmm... he is different, i guess.

Sicko me....

Had sore throat earlier on and now coughing in the middle of the night... What could be worse?? Have been popping pills since Monday... Feels terrible especially I need to be on antibiotics.. :( he has been accompanying me to places which sell soup stuff...I know he's not a soup person. he kept asking me whether I had medi.. Feels so sleepy now... Went out for our branch dinner last night. Was at peony jade @keppel club. damn far from my office.. He gave me a lift there though we have to walk a distance to the carpark.. It feels sweet to share an umbrella.. During the journey there, he asked me how I'm going Hm.. Told him cab.. Cause I was thinking not to stay for the Ktv session..

The dishes were not bad. Especially the abalone broccoli!! It's good.. Has been coughing all the while man... Feels as though my lungs are going to be out soon... He was very gentleman. Served food to the whole table. of cos served me first.. Hee... There was a new colleague that joined us.. Geez... She was looking at him... Don't think I'm being oversensitive... I saw it more than once... :P Haha.. During the Ktv session, he came over n told me to share cab w my other colleague... Hmmm.. Plus point! Haha...

I can feel he's troubled about his work n career. Somehow, it's a 2 way thing. Good that he's worried. means he wants to be better.. However, certain things can't be rushed.. I'm sure you will shine like u used to. Have faith ya! :D

Another day till weekends, really need a good rest....

appreciating wine and cherishing the moments of sweetness..

we went to mount faber's sapphire. wow... they have renovated!! it is indeed a nice environment. relaxing one... don't quite like the food there. i think wine company @dempsey is better. i missed the lava cake!!! did not have any dinner and we started our first bottle of red wine. i chose the first bottle. kinda light but good as a starter.

he chose the second.. i like.. hee... he told me alot about himself and i am starting to know him more. after that he drove me home and we chatted for a long time at my house downstairs. told him i was super upset then (that time he told me off), he hugged me and i felt so blessed... i know what he means. yes i do...

on his way home, he was stopped by TP and was escorted home. i really didn't expect that he will be stopped especially on a thursday night..?? i am sorry.. i meant it. you may feel sorry maybe cheap but please feel the sincerity from the person then you will realise that sorry is not that cheap after all.

thanks for tonight.. i really treasure the moments... :)

sweet lunch yet again...

we went to lucky plaza to have fried chicken rice, the one which i used to patronise frequently while working orchard last time. he ordered chicken breast meat.. -_- geez.. i would prefer not to have that man.. anyway, the taste is still the same. after i told him, i don't like breast meat, he removed the bones of the chicken wing for me to eat.

ooooo.... peeling prawns i have seen.. removing chicken bones.. first time. haha.. it is really sweet of him. thereafter, we went to have tea at coffeebean.. feels really happy and enjoyable. i have always love the way he behaves off work. he is really a sweet and cute guy. at work, he is forever so stern and serious. heee...

should i or not?

went out for dinner with angie, jamie and dallas. angie talked about my colleagues (which i dread talking about them). dallas apparently was shocked. yah... sad case but it's true.. he could not believe there are such people around. those who can complain as though the whole company is owned by her. those who can 'bark' like a dog, so irritating which i feel like slapping her. (won't happen 'cause it's still within my tolerance level.) all the fake people. can't they just mind their own business and do their work instead of disturbing others? god, pls open your eyes and look at these people...

angie was telling me to go back to sales where I started out. in fact, this has been on my mind for sometime. Awww.. now going back.. am i going to waste my past 3 years then? for me to go back to sales, i would hope to work with LW. think we can work best together! somehow, im sick of my job right now... the reason why i would leave - unhealthy environment. i do not deny there is work-life balance here but the environment sucks! despite there are nice people around, but it just takes 1 irritating person to destroy your whole day!.. will seriously consider this...

Oh yah! Foi is at Frankfurt now! hopefully, she can get my stuff there! heee...

time to KO... Zzzzzzz

needs to inject positive ions...

my mood has been on moving up and down these weeks. somehow, was on the downside earlier days.. today, after my mc on friday, i have a bitch asking me to reply her email which is sent on thurs, 5plus 6? either you do not have common sense or you have no empathy for someone who has just came back from her medical leave. i do not expect you to ask me whether i felt better etc but at least use some brains to think! i have left at 530 on thurs, do you think i can reply your email on monday morn? idiot! i always believe in karma... it may not be your time yet.. soon will be.

had late lunch today.. went with him and my 2 other cols. i feel he might be blunt to her on grumbling on her projects but he emphasized the point why she grumbles on others now, when she made me stay up late to help her. somehow, i can feel either he is righteous (unlikely, he is the kind who will not interfere in other ppl's stuff) or is his way to protect me...if the latter, i appreciate.. thanks. :)

i have been trying to tell myself, must buck up!! you will be the 'legend' once again!! i really hope too... must have faith, not leave everything to fate! gambatte!!

a dream that painted my day blue....

had a nightmare last night... i dreamt of someone i love, had a mishap while we were playing jet-ski (which i doubt i will). i was totally devastated. i cried badly in the dream till i woke up. my eyes seemed swollen. it feels so real. though, i did not see who is the person but it was very depressing. somehow, affected my mood for the rest of the day. feels so emo...

many thoughts flow across my mind.. the first time a guy put a ring on my finger... (now i realised that it takes alot of courage for a guy to buy and put the ring on a woman's finger) how i got my first job.. things that happened there. how tough for me to get my degree while working.. why i switched industry.. how fun and tough sales was.. how i knew him.. how we got together.. how tough it was.. why we parted.. till i met another.. and ended badly.. i would never want to see him again... i do not deny i was very happy then but seemed like things just do not end happily ever after.. am glad i am still contact with the earlier.. despite having to meet another now, every weekend seems like a torture at times yet i do enjoy the lazing feeling alone at home.. doing my own stuff.. cleaning my room.. meeting friends out for tea and dinner..

saw HL's pics on fb and im happy for her. she started dating much later.. has been with this bf for a number of years and i guess they are going to get hitched soon.. the first one and the last.. :) have been going in circles and am tired.. i understand what Angie meant by her heart is 'dead'.. sooner or later, mine too... sometimes, it is just abit too much and tiring. seems like a roller coaster..

after much said, being healthy is always the most important. today's a gift, tmr is a surprise.. god bless..

when things are simmered down...

he sent me a long series of msgs.. on what has happened recently and apologised. If he really says sorry, he means it. after reading them, felt that my BFF has really spot on the cause of it. he is under stress from what is happening as a sales person. he used to be a top sales and now trying to achieve the achievement then and beyond is tough. i can understand... which is what i am facing now. endless compliments and awards I have gotten then and now.. seemed like i am trying to pick up the pieces to move on and be back on pace where i used to be and trying to be better..

though, it is not nice to be blasted at when you do not know what is going on... i guess different people have different way of handling stress.. still trying to recover from the aftermath 'volcano eruption' which happened past few days... :(

oh well, i just hope the bitches at my workplace can be out of my way and let me work hard to excel here. im giving myself 1 to 2 years' time to achieve my aspirations and goals that i have set for myself prior to coming here...

On a lighter note, I am currently planning for 4 sessions of Lo Hei for CNY for my 4 groups of friends and colleagues.
1) my batchmates
2) my previous company's colleagues
3) the Bitch club (my previous company's colleagues)
4) my friends

They are looking forward to my email invitations. Guess I am still the appointed organiser yet again! haha... Loved to see my friends around me happy and enjoying themselves. Now, I am sourcing for a nice and comfortable place.. Thinking of going Mouth Restaurant at Chinatown point. Went there before.. think was last year.. they served rather decent food.. waiting for them to send me the CNY menu though.. heehee.. Oh yah, found out from FB that one of my distant cousin is married. Congrats, MY!!! :)

thanks xx for your concern.. appreciated lots.. and always...

Tears won't stop flowing...

After last night, I thought things will be fine today... Waited for him for lunch today.. While rushing to office to get my wallet n stuff for lunch, replied him short n unclear answer.. Resulting him not knowing where to wait for me. He gave me a big lash... Was shocked. He told me off on my work stuff n me. Things he said really upset me alot. Told me go back to my previous company if I'm really that good there. Said till I'm really damn lousy. Do you know I'm already trying very hard to learn as much as I can? It's really not a good learning environment here...

Thereafter, one of my cols (the one who shouted at me earlier on), told me I was very rude to my clients when I talked over the line. Im like huh??? I dont think your clients will be chatting and laughing with you if you are rude. For god's sake, I have never seen a sales person shouted loudly at a client over the line and damn you did it!!! don tell me about whether i am rude or not when I have never shouted at a client before. save it man! no wonder why you are not married now.. as the saying goes, there must be a reason why women are not married in their mid-late 30s. (karma!!! shan't say too much.. haha)

felt really upset over the two incidents, thus I left office as soon as i have cleared my stuff. didnt tell him that i have left, guess he is still 'heated'. while waiting for my bus, he msg me and told me he was waiting for me! err... i did not know man. haha.. things just don seemed right the whole day!

What an awful date....

Was having this headache since morning. was late meeting him due my boss who overrun her previous meeting... why would i want him to wait in the first place... haiz.. In the meeting are my 2 bosses... really have no idea how would they think of me, leaving when the meeting has not ended... though, they asked me to leave first. Don't care much...

I knew he's hopping mad... Whatever i said seemed wrong.. Thus, kept quiet till he simmered down. Anyway, awhile later he's fine. We went to watch 'The Tourist'. It's really a nice one. Was kinda touched. very nice storyline... I would reccomend this movie as a 3 1/2 popcorn rating! hehe...

the top up of cashcard made him mad again.. when he thought of he could have topped up while waiting for me earlier on.. Geez.. whats wrong with him??? in the end, we went home without having dinner... great!

Feels slightly 'tired' but thanks to XX...

Just want to say thanks again, XX.. Your call n chat made me feel better.

Things may not be easy as it is, I just want to say, yes I am happy... Do not know what lies in front but just cherish the times now. Life is short, in matters of heart, I do not want to read too much into it. As what XX says,' Just follow your heart'.

Let time show me the way to go...

feels so fortunate...

Something sweet to end off my day.. my ex-bf's cousins added me fb and msg me as well. there's one is already in my fb. i happened to bump into him today when i was rushing to my another office. wished him happy birthday over fb. he told me he misses those mj playing days... haha... so funny.. though his cousins are all very young, but they are fun and willing to learn. :)

the other one, now studying at nyp. added me today. felt so touched... and loved. though, i am no longer with my ex-bf, they still initiated to keep in contact with me..

I feel so fortunate... i believe i have god's blessing... to have such good fortunes... :)

Overloaded with work yet feels happy...

Worked till the latest at 8pm today.. It's common at the previous company though. Haha. Still feels happy.. Why? Simply I have colleagues that speak up for me when they see me overloaded. Felt really touched. Adding on to my happiness, ya... is him. When I'm frustrated at work, he will definitely make me smile n move on.. Fast recovery from 'overheating'. I think our colleagues who see him at work will feel he's quiet n serious (like no-nonsense type). Haha..

I had lunch with the boys at my workplace and my BFF. It was a great lunch. We went Tung Lok. Had a sgd 50 bucks voucher. Totally worth it. There's a funny 'north n south korea' debating at our table. Really enjoyable. They r damn humorous. He's very gentle when passing food to me. Asking me whether I want to eat this n that. The gentleness from his eyes.... Oh my... Really can't picture his temper n his gentleness together. Felt really loved. Don't why.. Somehow I felt he can really read my mind. To the extent, how can he know what I'm thinking??

Now on the way home.. Can't wait for my shower n lie on my bed....

busy day... yet sweet and blessed..

had such a busy day today.. as usual, we went out lunch together. supposed to join the rest but we had things on hand thus left later.. thereafter, we had coffee. he told me about his fishing trip and his harvest.. he showed me the pics... wow.. lots of squids man... impressive..

we talked about where to go for dinner etc... he asked me anywhere i wanna go in particular, when i think back, i realised that i haven been dating for ages.. geez... no idea where to go man... went back to office after that.. rushed my stuff.. felt really drained... but somehow, his so called 爱心茶 did not appear. haha... oh well, its fine... he was tighted up with work. saw he is so busy, i decided to tease him using whats app.. and was smiling to myself. my col started me from behind, luckily ive changed his name in my phn else gone case!

after that, we left work to our second date.. always feels so romantic sitting in the car and raining outside... we went to a blizz restaurant. not very nice dinner to speak.. perhaps dating is always sweet... so it doesnt matter but he is quite particular about food.. he didnt finish this round (normally he does), guess he does not like it. always feels fortunate when im with him.. driving to anywhere does not matter. guess the companion is what matters.. i feel so blessed today.. as in how i would feel blessed... those who knows me well, u should know... :)

be it forever or not... i treasure..

Rather than trying to understand, why not just accept it...

today, i took a day's leave for my medical checkup. only seen the doc for less than 10 mins, then he tells me, 'see you next year!' wow.. that's easy.. haha! went to replace my driving license. I came across this nice quote when i was queuing at TP.

‎'True friendship is like sound of health, the value of it is seldom known till it is lost...' - Charles Caleb Colton

Inspector called me in the morning and asked me about the whole theft incident again.. i should have recorded it down when i was taking statement then. this whole incident is making my life on roller-coaster... urghh.. when can they nab the boy? it is coming more than a week, i think the chances of me getting back my items are nearing zero... :(

today, i was thinking to buy back my favourite Senheiser earphones. i was shocked that it actually costs around sgd 100!! why didn't i feel the pinch then? faint... oh well, u have to pay for quality.. best thing, it is out of stock! i will check around my workplace tomorrow.

he is on mc for 2 days. best is, he is not feeling well and he is heading for fishing trip.. as my title goes, 'Rather than trying to understand, why not just accept it...' i didn't ask him why but he did explain himself. im sure he is old enough to take care himself. i feel anyone won't appreciate nagging so just a few statements of concern will be sufficient. :) i mean, there are times i was so sick but i just drag myself to work. my colleagues asked me why.. but sometimes there's no reason as to why you do certain things.

for him, i guess he enjoys it, so be it... :)

feeling so lazy on the first day of 2011

i woke up at 12 plus today after my countdown gathering at Jerin's last night. had nice steamboat, gift exchange and played games. after making the police report, i reached home at around 4am in the morning... damn tired. have not been staying up so late. mommy asked sis n me out for lunch today. we had nice kway chap at the foodcourt downstairs. feels so sleepy.. think i am going to sleep early later.. don't feel like going out man... im still thinking about my lost bag, after received a call from police and nothing else thereafter.. :(

am thinking of buying back my prada wallet.. if u guys, are in paris or europe... pls let me know.. getting it there is definitely much cheaper than sg...

was watching my fave jap drama, Iryu team medical dragon season 3!! love it man...