last internal test but another 4 external to go...

today is the worst day of the training. my third attempt on this paper and i almost broke down on the spot. i was not confident of getting 75%. however, i made it in the end. feel like calling him but don't know what he is doing. he told me to msg him instead of calling him to see whether he is available. donno.. sounds rather distanced. feels like we have nothing much to talk. i can see him online but our conversation just ended unknowingly.

the frequently asked question will be,' what is wrong?' the other party's answer will be, nothing is wrong. this month is a challenging and tormenting one for me, i have to handle all the tests when i feel distracted at times and mentally tired. i believe things will turn for the better but why? i feel like a 'spare tyre' which punctured and needs to be replaced. is it wrong to have faith and trust in a person? i donno the ans myself, cos it doesn't pay most of the time.

keep telling myself not to read too much into it. his distinctive character and sensitivity attracted me but i do not sense them in him anymore. was his 'if ever a guy date u ...' trying to imply something? haizz... i should not have interrupted him.

i believe his feelings are/were true. im not 'blinded', just cos' I trust him. I can only comment that there won't be any answers to all these questions....

'withdrawal symptom'

at last i have cleared most of the papers. though, i may not be in the best of mood to study and take the papers, im trying my best to concentrate.

im feeling the 'withdrawal symptom' from him. slowly, bit by bit.. drifting away. i still feel he is different from them but why is it happening? i know u guys will be thinking.. 'had my lessons before, yet i am asking for it.' am i really just someone who happens to come by in the midst when he was 'single' and bored? now, im only at the back of his mind... feels like years waiting for his calls and msgs. feels happy when u call the person u miss, perhaps i used to be the one for him... ya, i am foolish. (u guys can laugh to your hearts' content)

i will be myself, no matter how many times it is going to be, i believe there will be a guy who is different from the rest and appreciate me. i was thinking what happened to him on sun when he promised to msg me after his hangout but did not in the end. only to find out he is working today. he seemed like a total different person from then and now. perhaps like what most have said, once guys get the gers they want, they will lose the interest as time goes by. i have never doubt his feelings. i believe in putting ur best and cherish whatever u have thus, you will never have regrets in life...

till one day again, he does not contact me, i will know what to do. shall not say anymore else u guys will be complaining again. got to study... again.

i need my beauty sleep man!

i have not had a proper sleep for the whole week of training. trying to pass the tests(fyi, if i do not pass, i have to try again till i pass) and its a routine to take tests everyday. so if i fail, the subpaper will snowball the next day and add on to the papers to take for that day.

im very impressed with myself that i have actually passed 3 tests today as i studied in a subconsicious state last night. tommorrow is the 'killer' subpaper, plus 2 tests.. the whole grp of us are quite cooperative and helpful. trying to help each other in case of any doubts.

there is this trainer, Maurice. more charming compared to jeff. haha. bel, think u will be 'charmed' by him. not that good looking but charismatic. hehe. got to study through the night again. i have another 8 papers to clear. i am in the state that i am able to sleep anywhere. i am not being exaggerative but it is true. this is my latest update for my work. do take care everyone! cheers!

training is hell.. classmates are interesting! ;)

my grp of cliques and trainer, joseph!

a guy we nicknamed as 'carpark coupon' as he always stands up in class asking for others whoever drives to work to convert the parking coupon. haha. he is married, can still ask the gers to rotate one after another to convert the coupons! my god, can he be a gentleman and do the work since he drives everyday? oh yah, doubt he cares.

we went for lunch and had drinks @Ya Kun. lunchtime is always our favourite time! haha. jeff is forever sitting either beside me else in front of me just to get back at me for the hard times I gave him. HAHA. we were talking abt guys during lunch on why guys these days do not seemed want to settle down. he is the 'defence counsel', saying he is a good example that he would date a few gers at a time and find the one he would want to be in relationship with. haha. as usual, the gers would bombard after hearing this. *ponders* do most of the guys think the same nowadays? hmmm...

oh yah! he looks really good on friday. he wore a brown shirt with a gold tie. at last, he wears something presentable. haha. i was teasing him, he looked so ah beng wearing that striking blue shirt. told me that shirt was bought when he was 18.. 'ah beng period' haha.

got to rush my article review. boring! what is there to review when it is written by a professional editor? haha.

a table for 15 pls!

hehe.. today, the 15 of us went out for lunch together. cool huh. went to Din Tai Fung. jeff ('MediaCorp') sat beside me. told me about his background etc. he is quite a nice and cool guy after all. he is really a gentleman. he waits for the lady to be seated, lets the lady to walk ahead and holds the door for the lady. we were having fun 'bickering' with each other. makes the training not that boring after all. haha.

he is really a humourous guy. the 'cold' jokes he made were so 'cold' till the whole of grp of us were laughing to entertain him. haha. he is quite gd looking after all. has that charismatic look. just that, i do not like the striking blue shirt he wore! yucks! looks so ah beng! he looks better in black after all. i prefer guys who wear pink.. makes them look so charming in a way but no guys in my class wear pink. i am still wondering who is the one who leaves notes in my textbk.. hmm.. tmr shall 'catch' the person! haha.

gt to slp... i have been dozing in class man.. think cos' the theories are killing me... hahaha.

my training...

my training was like hell.. it is so intensive and today is only the second day. lots of calculations. im very stressed up man. haiz..its really tough.. trying my best..


Rina and Me (who happens to be adeline's JC friend)


Chris and me (my friend's ex bf)

Singapore is really small.. Chris is still as charming since i last saw him years ago. haha. within my cliques, we have nicknamed some of our classmates such as; MLM and Mediacorp. haha. 'MLM', a guy who looked like a typical insurance agent 'sells' even during our break! 'Mediacorp', a guy who appeared on one tv program, thinking as if the whole class of the girls are checking him out. (give me a break!)

today, we were checking out via intranet our branch allocation. i was standing among so many girls, he just walked to me and ask me which branch i am at and started a conversation. told me how beautiful my branch is. (ok.. fine...) told me about himself. a humourous guy. don seemed that cocky after all but he speaks with a weird slang.. got to try my calculation questions again.. :( im tired....

boring

tommorrow goin to be the first day of my training, after bumming around these days.. the last few days are the worst days. never expected things to be that way and i don think it will be the same again. all cos' of my PMS! wat a way to prepare for my training. whatever i don care about my training, i am just not in the mood. either i pass else i retake the papers again.

don ask me..went to fanni's house with my eyes being swollen like the fuzhou balls that her mum cooked. bel, now u believe that my instincts suck right? next time ask me to predict whether how long u will last with the next guy that comes along. haha. think u will kill me for this.

he has stated his stand. i respect his decision...

counting down to the end of my bumming days

i have another 4 days to go for my training. trying my best to pack my clothes for my work and my room. cant pack for too long else i will have terrible flu again 'cos of my sensitive nose. cant help it. cant imagine i have to wake up so early from next mon onwards. haha. may need to go out one of these days to look at clothes for work. at last, i do not have to wear uniform again. yeh!

'excursion' @ CBD

today, i went down to sign my appt letter. i got lost a few times between raffles, shenton and almost chinatown. it is hard to find the medical centre and buildings. i have to pass four papers for my job. next month will be a crucial month for me. juggling between my uni course and my job training. exams... must pass at first attempt else have to pay for the sub papers.

YEH! i have got my job!!!

i am sooooooo HAPPY!!! was still troubling about my school fees last night..and i received a call this morning to sign my appt letter. alright! im determined to pass my papers.. and embark on my career! somehow,i feel things turned for the better after i knew him... and i may not have time for him once i start on this job, do not know how things will be but hope it will be for the better.. thanks to bel, T, him and all my friends who are concerned about me and all your wishes... it is a dream come true for me indeed. ;)

one mth bummer's lifestyle

1) waking up late so that i will take only one meal for the whole day (save money at the same time) haha...
2) watching cable
3) catching up with friends
4) being aunty agony
5) went for only 2 interviews under the same company
6) forced myself to finish up 2 essays
7) went ktv with my uni friends
8) being nagged constantly by mum for being jobless
9) browsing jobsites and sat's recruit
10) someone who calls me everyday (status:friends?) -> i know u guys will ask me.

this is the summary of my last mth's lifestyle. haha. life is getting bored for me these days. things to worry, to ponder and to upset about. of cos, there is happiness throughout the whole mth. but still, sigh.. shall go and rest. my studies going to resume next mon. exams...again...

shitty mood...

think i flung my interview.. it was a tough one. haiz... as what eugene commented, i do not speak fluent english which does not impress people and i should do something about it... i saw comments from my first interview such as, young, singlish, looked like ah lian!?(i do not think so man!) etc. though, there are good comments such as, aggressive, impressive etc. somehow, its my fault that i flung this interview. he is right, i do not have any sales experience and no financial background. how am i supposed to be on par with those who have many years experience and outspoken.... hence, i popped a question for him. he was amazed. haha.. terrible day.. bad mood.... :(

-_-zZZz.....

i can feel my eyes are blur and dry.. i have to finish asap. i have go temple at noon later. think i will look like a panda/zombie walking around. i have to rest before the sunrise. sudden thoughts of the things he told me. he ended(or did he not?) the last r/s 'cause his gf do not want to settle down when he wants to and now he wants to enjoy his carefree life, do not want to embark on a r/s just as yet. irony. confused. i understand where he is coming from but how can both be facts? it doesn't make sense to me.